Every adult carries ways of thinking that were shaped by how they were raised, the experiences they’ve had, and the messages they’ve gotten from their family, community and culture. These become the stories that we tell ourselves, and these are powerful. They hold lessons that helped you figure out who you are, navigate challenges, and stay grounded in your values.
These stories can also quietly impact how you interact with the teens in your life. These messages can become the everyday assumptions that adults hold about young people. They look like beliefs about what it means to respect your elders, how emotions should or shouldn’t be expressed, and even what it means to be “resilient” or “strong.” These might bubble up when we think things like “They’re just being dramatic,” “Why aren’t they more grateful?” or “I went through worse and turned out fine.”
These thoughts don’t make you a bad person: they make you human. They’re also your cue to pause and reflect. To show up for teens in ways that are safe and supportive, you have to be willing to notice and question the stories you’re telling yourself.
Why This Matters
Teens are navigating a complex world and need trusted adults who see them clearly and believe their experiences, even when those experiences are different.
Maybe you grew up in a home where you were taught to “tough it out,” so you feel like your teen is being ungrateful or lazy when they talk about feeling depressed. Or maybe you were told to “always respect your elders,” so when your teen speaks up about their needs, it feels like they’re being disrespectful. A teen who questions your authority might be called “defiant,” but perhaps they’re trying to speak up for themselves.
When adults don’t pause to consider how their own stories are affecting how they see young people, they can send the message that their truth doesn’t matter.
The Impact of Assumptions
When adults don’t examine their assumptions, they can send messages that make it harder for teens to open up. For example, if an adult thinks showing strong emotions means someone is “too sensitive,” they may correct instead of listen. Over time, a teen may feel unsafe being honest. One teen put it this way: “I don’t feel like I can be vulnerable when I’m always being corrected or told I’m too sensitive.”
That feeling often comes from times when an adult assumes they know what a teen is thinking or feeling, instead of listening. These kinds of misunderstandings can break trust. Teens need space to be themselves, make mistakes without shame, and learn without fear of punishment. Adults can support this by noticing their own habits and choosing to stay curious about what their teen is really experiencing.
Pause and Reflect: What stories are you telling yourself?
The early lessons adults learn growing up don’t disappear. They often become the lens through which adults interpret teen behavior. The good news is that once you notice the lens, you can start to shift it. You can choose a new one.
Take a moment to check in with yourself:
- What were you taught about respect, consequences, or emotions growing up?
- Whose feelings were prioritized in your home?
- What was the response to vulnerability?
- What assumptions do you make when a teen expresses big emotions?
Self-Awareness Creates Safety
Being a trusted adult isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being accountable.
When you notice an assumption, pause and get curious. Even if you realize it later, you can still reflect and repair: “I realize I dismissed what you were saying earlier, and I’m sorry. I want to try again if you’re open to it.”
Every time you question your assumptions, you choose reflection over reaction. That not only supports the teen—it grows your own capacity for care. You’re breaking cycles, building connections, and showing that compassion matters more than criticism.
There’s no finish line for this kind of self-work. What matters is staying committed to being the kind of adult a teen can trust—one who listens, believes them, and responds with love, respect, and openness. So when assumptions creep in, pause. Breathe. And ask: Am I responding to this teen in front of me… or to an old story I’ve been carrying?
This blog is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical or mental health advice. If you have concerns about your child’s health or well-being, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional.
