When you learn that a young person you care about is using nicotine, it’s normal to feel worried, surprised, or unsure what to say. Many adults want their teen to quit right away, but change is more likely to happen when a young person feels ready and supported to make that choice. No one can be forced to stop using a substance. Lasting change depends on a teen’s own motivation and ability to make different choices.
Your role as a trusted adult is to create a safe, calm space where your teen can be honest, feel heard, and think about change.
In this blog, we’ll share a few simple ways you can talk with your teen to build trust, show your support, and encourage healthy choices.
Start with Connection, Not Correction
Whether your teen tells you they are vaping or you find out another way, how you respond matters. According to the Trusted Adult Principles, young people are more open when adults listen first, show curiosity, and avoid judging or blaming.
You might say:
- “Thank you for telling me. I’m glad we’re talking about this.”
- “I feel worried, but I’m really glad you were honest with me.”
- “I appreciate you sharing this. I want to understand your side.”
These kinds of responses help your teen feel safe and respected. They show that you are calm, open, and ready to listen.
Use the OAR Method: Open-Ended Questions, Affirmations, Reflective Listening
The OAR method is a simple way to help your teen feel less defensive and more open to talking.
The O in OAR stands for open-ended questions. Asking open-ended questions lets the young person share their thoughts and guide where the conversation goes. If your question can be answered with just “yes” or “no,” the talk might slow down or stop, or it can even feel like an interrogation to them.
Here are some examples of open-ended questions:
- “What made you want to try vaping?”
- “When do you notice you want to vape the most?”
- “What’s been stressful for you lately?”
The A in OAR stands for affirmations. Affirmations are ways to point out your teen’s strengths and efforts. Be honest and specific.
You might say:
- “I appreciate you being honest with me.”
- “I’m proud of you for talking about something hard.”
- “I believe you.”
Finally, the R in OAR stands for reflective listening. Reflective listening means repeating what you hear in your own words to show you understand. It builds trust by showing that your focus is responding to a young person’s needs, rather than sharing your own agenda.
You can do this by repeating and rephrasing, paraphrasing, and reflecting a feeling.
For example, you may say things like:
- “I am hearing that it feels like a lot of people your age are vaping and it doesn’t feel like a big deal.”
- “It sounds like you are worried you may be addicted to nicotine.”
- “You’re wondering if you can get in trouble for using your vape at school.”
When using reflective listening, try to say your reflections as statements, not questions. Keep your voice steady as you repeat what you’ve heard. If your tone rises, it might sound sarcastic or like you don’t understand. Don’t assume you got it right; be ready for your teen to correct or explain what they really meant.
Finally, try pausing at the end of a reflective listening statement to give the young person an opportunity to respond, clarify, and add on. These pauses might feel long, but giving them the space to think and internalize what you are hearing helps them reflect.
Okay, I talked to them. What if they aren’t ready to quit?
Many teens who use nicotine are not yet ready to quit. Pushing them before they are ready can damage trust and create resistance. If your teen is not interested in pursuing quitting right now, there are still ways to support their wellbeing. Some conversations you can approach include:
Explore What Vaping Means to Them
Teens often vape for reasons beyond the behavior itself — like stress, anxiety, boredom, or fitting in.
Ask gently curious questions:
- “What do you notice vaping helps with?”
- “What would feel hard about quitting right now?”
- “What do you wish felt different in your day?”
These questions help uncover the “problem beneath the problem:” what’s really going on underneath the behavior.
Keep the Door Open
Even if they are not ready to quit now, you can say: “If you ever decide you want help cutting back or quitting, I’m here.” Consistency and openness create the conditions that make future quitting possible.
Take Care of Yourself as the Adult
Supporting a teen through this can be stressful. Your calm presence matters, but so does your own well-being. Talk with other trusted adults, use healthy ways to manage stress, and take breaks when you need them. Teens notice how adults handle stress and learn from it.
Resources
These resources help caregivers and teens better understand vaping, nicotine, and youth wellness:
- Truth Initiative EX Program: A free, text-based program offering daily encouragement for teens.
- SmokeFree Teen: Tools, quit plans, and motivational apps designed for young people.
- Quit the Hit (CDC & Truth Initiative): Peer-based quit coaching through social media support groups.
- My Life, My Quit: A free, confidential service for youth who want help quitting all forms of nicotine, including vaping, with a parent site for caregivers. Available as an app.
- Not For Me: A Mobile-friendly quitting program designed to help youth aged 14–19.
- Choose You: Resources linking nicotine education, mental health, and wellness.
