Your teenager might say “I’m fine” when you ask how they’re doing. They might go to school, do homework, and even laugh at dinner. But you still feel like something is wrong.
That feeling in your gut is important. You know your teen better than anyone else. The problem is that many parents don’t trust this feeling because they’re not sure what signs of distress look like.
Learning to spot these signs can help you support your teen before small problems become big ones.
Why Teens Hide Their Struggles
Teens face a lot of pressure every day. School, friends, social media, and figuring out who they are can feel overwhelming. Even though they’re around people all day, many teens feel alone with their problems.
Your teen might not tell you they’re struggling because:
- They think they should be tough and handle everything alone
- They don’t know how to explain their feelings
- They’re afraid of how you’ll react
- They worry about disappointing you
- They think no one will understand what they’re going through
Signs Your Teen Might Be in Distress
Distress in teens doesn’t always look like crying or angry outbursts. Most of the time, it shows up as changes in their everyday life. These quiet signs are easy to miss:
- Sleep Changes: sleeping much more or much less than usual, or always feeling tired
- Social Changes: stops hanging out with friends they used to see all the time, or loses interest in activities they used to love
- Eating Changes: eating much more or much less than usual, or skipping meals or eating alone
- Physical Problems: frequent headaches, stomachaches, or illnesses
- Mood and Behavior Changes: more irritable, anxious, worried or angry than usual
- School Changes: grades getting worse, or changes in behavior at school
All teens have mood changes sometimes – this is a normal part of development. But when you see several signs at once, or when changes last for weeks, pay attention. Trust your gut feeling that something might be wrong.
How to Respond When You Notice Distress
When your teen is struggling, how you respond can make a big difference. Here’s how to help:
Ask better questions. Instead of “Are you okay?” Try:
- “You seem really quiet lately. How are you doing inside?”
- “I notice you’re not hanging out with your friends. What’s going on?”
- “You look tired. How are you feeling these days?”
- “You seem stressed about school. How is your heart doing with all this?”
Listen more than you talk.
When your teen opens up, listen carefully. Don’t jump in to fix everything right away. Sometimes they just need someone to hear them.
Stay calm.
Your teen is watching how you react. If you stay calm, they’ll feel safer sharing their feelings with you.
Validate their feelings.
Show them their feelings make sense by saying things like: “that sounds really hard,” “I can see why that would upset you,” or “that’s a lot to handle – I understand why it feels so hard.”
Be patient.
Don’t expect them to open up right away. Let them know you’re available when they’re ready to talk. This might sound like, “You don’t have to answer right now, but I’m here when you want to talk.”
Keep checking in.
One conversation isn’t enough. Keep asking how they’re doing and showing you care.
When Distress Becomes Dangerous: Suicide Warning Signs
When a teen is in deep distress, their emotional pain can sometimes lead to thoughts of suicide. In these moments, it’s important to take their feelings seriously and act quickly. Watch for these serious warning signs:
- Talking about wanting to die or hurt themselves
- Saying things like “Nothing matters anymore” or “I don’t want to be here”
- Calling themselves a burden or worthless
- Talking about feeling hopeless or trapped
- Saying goodbye to people or giving away important things
- Looking for ways to hurt themselves
If you see these signs:
- Ask gently and directly. It’s OK to ask, “Are you thinking about suicide?” This won’t give them the idea. It shows you care and can help them get help. It also helps to normalize important conversations about suicide, risk, and safety.
- Stay with them. Don’t leave them alone if you’re worried about their safety. Let them know they’re not alone and you’ll get through this together.
- Get professional help. You don’t have to handle everything alone, and you don’t have to wait for a crisis to get help. You can reach out to your child’s doctor, school mental health professional, or call 911 or call or text 988 (the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline). If you’re not sure that you can keep your child safe, transport them to the nearest emergency room.
For more resources on youth mental health, see these resources from Action for Healthy Kids and the CDC Foundation.
This article is intended for educational and informational purposes only and should not be used to diagnose or treat any medical condition, including mental health conditions. Action for Healthy Kids recommends seeking consultation with a licensed medical professional. If you are concerned about the immediate safety of yourself or someone else, call 911 (emergency services) or 988 (suicide and crisis lifeline).
